Friday, January 4, 2008

You can't call yourself a true-blue Siburian unless.... (Part 3 of the Trilogy)

1. You own a motor bike even though you have a 4x4 and a saloon car already.

2. You throw mammoth bashes to celebrate the 50th,60th,68th,70th,80th88th,90th(gasp)100th birthday of your parents/grandparents besides the 30th, 40th 50th ........ 80th.(fill in the blank)... anniversay of their wedding.

3. You consider it is compulsory to put up congratulatory messages/advertisement on all your relatives/friends' auspicious occations, examples (by no means exhausive) are as follows:-

- 70th birthday of your supplier's (who gives you six months credit term) father-in-law, full page.

-Your uncles and aunties' (your godpa and godma) 33rd wedding anniversary..half page.

-Your bank's branch manager (who approved your million dollar loan) got promoted to area manager. full colour double centre-spread.

-You customer (whom you give credit) moves to a new bigger house. half page.

-Your mother-in-law's birthday: 1/8th page.

-Your cousin (still owe you money) opens new shop. the classified section.

4. You consider obituary as essential reading, esp business associates' condolences message, for committing the sin of not publishing condolence msg to him will land you in to his blacklist, and thats not good for your biz.

5. You study other peoples' obits like a college student doing a project on his genealogy, checking whether so-and-so is related to you and how many kids and daughter-in-laws so-and-so has and how many of his kins share your surname.

6.You are always on the lookout for money-making kangtow. Thus you join an average of one MLM per month.

7. You have so much health supplement capsules (from the MLM) you give the expired ones to your mother- in-laws.(okay,okay, I make up this one, just sit down will you?).

8.You tell everybody you have a weekend retreat villa in Sungei Meelook or Aleemah (Your grandfather's dilapidated wooden house).

9. Your kids can repeat your childhood hardship stories with all the intricate details (you know, the rubber estate, pepper farm stories) by heart.

10. When you dont want them (your teenage kids) to disturb you, you simply say "when I was at your age....." they will all scamper off.

11.You belong to 50 associations and organisations like Chinese chamber of commerce, clan asso., dialect asso. surname asso. chess asso., (honorary advisor), wushu asso. (hon. auditor), guilds, and whatever there is to join.

12. You are a member of SUPP, but a closet DAP supporter.

Disclaimer: The above has been meticulously researched and edited for
political correctness (er...except for no. 12). Any disagreement with the above must be registered within 3 days for faster response, as the writer will assume a lapse of memory thereafter.

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